This is my question to those parents reading this…..does parenting ever get better??
Before I get into the thick of things, let me start with the obligatory declaration of my undying love for my children. Goes without saying. They are my loves, my reason for breathing and they are most definitely the reason I get out of bed, every single bloody morning. You see where I’m going with this??.
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My kids didn’t come to me easily. It took me a lot of time, trying, angst, anxiety, money, sadness and grief but eventually I was over the moon to fall pregnant with my first set of twins. Tragedy followed when my next pregnancy ended in a premature birth resulting in the death of my son which tore me apart. Last but not least was my next pregnancy in which I was blessed (and completely shocked) with another set of twins, two girls this time. Let me add though, even if you were lucky enough to fall pregnant easily enough, have good pregnancies etc, you still have every right to bitch about your kids!!
So as you can see I think I’ve earned myself a whinge or two and I will reveal a few revelations I wish someone had done for me.
Why does nobody tell you how shitful parenting can be?. I’m always joking around saying that I’m going to write a book about the ‘truths’ of parenting.
If we’re going to be honest, the majority of us go into parenthood all loved up with our partners, thinking that this baby is going to bring us so much closer than what we already were & our love will reach another stage brought on by our love for this human being we have created.
Why doesn’t anyone tell you how absolutely shit it is??. I don’t care what anyone says but nothing in this world can prepare you for the sleep deprivation. Nothing, Ever. The cry of a newborn is designed to get your attention and that of your neighbours five doors down too, listening to that sqwuak day in day out can test even the most tolerant of people.
With sleep deprivation comes tiredness (duh!!), irritability, sadness, anger, anxiety, baby blues and even post natal depression. The fact that your husband can sleep through your babies crying makes you want to punch him square in the mouth.
Your whole entire life is turned upside down & I honestly feared it would never return to normal & it didn’t, but in fairness it returned to a new kind of normal, life with children.
The little things you take for granted. Hot meals, going to the toilet alone, sleeping for more than an hour at a time, having any one on one time with your partner, it’s all gone.
Having a baby is NOT going to bring you & your partner closer together. It’s going to try and tear you apart. A baby is going to test you in ways you didn’t know were possible but with tolerance, love, compromise, help from your village & a few threats here & there you hopefully will make it through although unfortunately many don’t.
I saw a quote on Insta saying ‘I was a great parent until I had kids’ and not a truer word has been spoken.
I was going to breast feed my twins, they were never going to have dummies and so much other bullshit but as soon as I had kids things changed very quickly.
Same goes with discipline but until you have parented a child in their terrible twos or a Threenager, your ideals go out the window & you do what you have to do to get through the day.
I find with my kids at the age that they are & maybe because I’m a SAHM, the majority of my time with them, especially the younger two, is fighting with them.
Fighting them to get dressed, usually takes 15 minutes per child by the time they run off, I chase them, they run off again, I catch them between my knees & trap them whilst forcing them to get dressed.
Trying to brush their hair is a torturous exercise of trying to hold their entire body weight whilst they flop in an attempt to get you to stop & refuse to raise their heads or let you put in any hair accessories.
Depending on their mood on the day, I either have to fight with them to get in the bath, if they are going through a non-bathing stage it’s torture to get them in and forget it if it is hair washing day. That is met with high pitch squealing and crying that makes me thankful that I live on land and my neighbours can’t hear them. I usually have to force them in amidst screams of refusal with bribes of Freddo frogs (which I would never have done before kids!!).
Getting in the car to go anywhere is torturous, I honestly work on 15 minutes to get them in the car. The now 4 year olds are so slow & get distracted along the way, decide to run up & down the driveway a few times, run around the car and then take forever to climb in, don’t even bother trying to help because if you interrupt them, they have to start all over again.
When it comes to tidying up their shitload of toys I have lowered my standards considerably however I find myself very irritable when the entire house is covered in crap.
I’m happy to make a deal with the kids that they pack up in the evening, so everything is tidy for the next day but no, getting any child to tidy anything up is near impossible in my house. I could ask my kids 17 times in a calm voice & they’ll ignore me. It’s not until I’m going batshit crazy that they listen to me.
Same goes for my two older darlings. Every morning the expectations are the same during the week. Get up, have a shower, get dressed and brush your teeth & eat your breakfast, doesn’t sound too complicated does it?.
I get up with them & make their lunches whilst they’re getting ready, they shower at the same time (in separate bathrooms) and when they are finished, I have their healthy morning breakfast smoothie waiting for them so they don’t even need to make their own breakfasts. I have to keep coaching them through the necessary steps required before school to keep them on track and I’m embarrassed to say that 99 mornings out of 100 I could shake the both of them for varying reasons.
I have to fight with them both to get out of that front door every single morning. I have to fight with them to clean their rooms, tidy up after themselves and do their chores. God forbid if they have a notice that they need to take to school, their bank books or a permission form for an excursion. It just seems to require too much effort.
I previously published a post about how I give my kids Chores to do, nothing too strenuous but I want them to learn responsibility and not entitlement & unfortunately not everyone agreed with me but that’s absolutely fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and each family operates differently.
I think I have answered my own question, I fight with my children many times a day because I love them and I want them to be able to follow a simple instruction, even if I have to ask them 30 freaking times.
I want them to learn that there are expectations to be met & they have responsibilities. I want them to use their manners and more than anything I want them to grow up kind and loving people.
Over indulgent parenting is often associated with lazy, undriven kids who think the world owes them a favour and they have no consequences for their actions.
I joke around and say I’m a lover not a fighter but these days all I seem to do is fight my kids Every Single Day. It gets me down all that negative energy.
Do they wake up one day & suddenly realise what little arseholes they can be & pull their socks up??. I’m yet to find out the answer to that question but I’m pretty sure I know what it is ?
Someone said to me recently that our most important job as parents is to raise them in such a way that they are able to go out into the world & lead a great life, without being dependant on us. In basic terms, our goal is to make ourselves obsolete to them.
Of course I always want to be a part of their life and cannot promise not to interfere on occasion(s) but they need to be able to make their own way in the world when the time comes.
As much as I hate the constant fighting, it is with my hand on my heart that I want my kids to succeed in life at whatever they choose to do and I don’t want to ever be obsolete to them either!!!.
Unless you have been blessed with lovely obedient children who do as they are told, I think the fighting & the struggle is necessary to hopefully raise independent, kind and caring adults.
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